08 April 2009

An obscene heart

Taming the Shrill - a Victorian Whistle Necklace by BellaLili, Etsy Dark Team

My grandma used to keep a large plastic whistle hanging from her wall phone. We all knew that if some old man called and started talking dirty we were to blow the whistle as loudly as we could and then hang up. I never did get to do that, although my cousin Gail Dean claimed to have done it numerous times. I was always jealous of that. After all, I was the oldest of all the cousins. Why shouldn't I get to blow what we called the obscene whistle?


Last night I received an obscene heart on Etsy. I won't link to it because I don't want to acknowledge in polite company that I know what this word means. (And my mom pretends to read this blog.) This morning I opened up Heartomatic to see if I had any new fans--you know how good that feels--and I thought I did. Upon closer inspection (kind of like deciphering a license plate on the car in front of me) I realized that the name of the "shop" said something not very nice to me. Heart Held Captive by DreadfulDesigns, Etsy Dark Team

I stared at that little bitty avatar photo wondering if one of my friends was playing a joke on me, but the face didn't look familiar. I followed the link to a bio that read, "english, dutch, music/animal/nature/art freak, musician, artist, independant thinker, riot grrrl, vegan, freegan, individualist, HSP, culture, diy, independant media, zines..." Sounds like an interesting person. If so, why did she pick an Etsy ID that she wouldn't want on a moo card?

Cinnabar Heart Earrings by dbvictoria, Etsy Dark Team

I tried to blow the obscene whistle by contacting Etsy according to their instructions. I got back a form letter that listed the most common reasons for writing and what I could do about those. Obscene hearts were not listed. I don't want this naughty little heart on my page, but I don't know any way to delete it. I've heard Etsy's kind of slow when you want assistance, so I guess it might be there to stay a while.

What a slap in the face. You think you're in for some lovin' and then it's just a big joke. Kind of like that time in high school when we drove up beside some little freshman and asked, "Do you want a ride?" Then when he started walking toward the car, someone said, "Maybe somebody will give you one." We drove away laughing.

Uh-oh... I so deserve an obscene heart.

BTW, the hearts I have used to illustrate this post, none of which are obscene, come from the talented members of Etsy's Dark Side Street Team.

6 comments:

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

Your obscene heart-er commits the ultimate sin...he/she isn't clever one iota. If one is going to be obscene, they should at least make the effort to be original and witty. Your fan was, unfortunately, merely boring and vulgar.

On the other hand, the hearts you have posted here today are simply wonderful!

Illustrated Ink said...

I think this obscene hearter is not a reflection on your art, but a reflection on how lame they are. Made for a very entertaining post though! Go Etsy Dark Side!

my tiny studio said...

I am sorry that you got a very vulgar person.
some people just have way to much time in their hands and very little imagination .
Your art is fantastic and I am a fan of yours .
Rafael

DeadpanAlley said...

you know...if i knew that you had a shiny new whistle by your phone and i happened to have your phone number, i could make your childhood dream come true. i'm just saying. i can sound like a dirty old man if i WANT TO...*cough* *cough* *wheeze* what are you weaaaaring? *cough* *sputter* *choke* *pant*

xo

SugarCain said...

You watch out. I bought that necklace, and Autumn assures me that it is very shrill.

DeadpanAlley said...

*wheeze*

*thud*

*rattle*


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